


pieces

by intergalacticships (thelesterhowells)



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Malex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-06 12:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18388628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelesterhowells/pseuds/intergalacticships
Summary: after months of dreading it alex finally tells michael about that piece of alien spaceship(written before 1x12)





	pieces

**Author's Note:**

> big thank you to [@insidious-intent](https://insidious-intent.tumblr.com/) and [@the-middleish-ages](https://the-middleish-ages.tumblr.com/) for beta reading and for the help and support! :) 
> 
> hope you enjoy!

It was the little domestic things that turned his cabin into a home. It was having a second toothbrush in his bathroom. It was preparing more than one cup of coffee in the morning. It was cuddling on the sofa while watching a TV show before bed. It was having a second car parked in his driveway. It was hearing Michael talk to his siblings or Liz while Alex was taking a shower or getting ready. It was having more than his own clothes in his closet. But mostly it was Michael’s presence, him just being there made coming home so easy.

They hadn’t really discussed it, Michael stayed one night and then kept staying. At first it was a comfort thing - falling asleep next to each other and waking up to the warmth of the other person. Knowing that they were alright had been something both Alex and Michael needed desperately. But now they both came back  _ home  _ to the cabin. 

It took some time before he realized that Maria was right, that he didn’t need a “white picket fence house” to have a home. A home could be a person and his person was Michael. Even if it was hard because Alex still couldn’t say the words he knew he should say to Michael. Even if starting over with the love of your life can be awkward at best, and crushingly sad at worst. 

But he kept pushing for dates and kept having trivial conversations with Michael, getting to know him like Alex had dreamed of, back when he was young and newly in love. It was fascinating to hear about Michael’s favourite movies and his favourite food, how he drank coffee or what music he liked. 

These were things Alex could have learned over a decade ago, if their lives had been different. If he hadn’t enlisted; if there had been less secrets between them. 

But here he laid on his couch, listening to Michael softly hum while he made lunch and Alex couldn’t stop thinking about that one secret left between them. He thought about the piece of the alien spaceship that he was keeping from Michael. In moments like this when he knew that Michael was feeling the most relaxed and happy, Alex felt run over with guilt and fear and sadness.

It had been months since he found that piece, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually give it to Michael. If he was honest with himself Alex was afraid that Michael loved the idea of finding his family more than he loved Alex. Maybe it was an irrational fear, but Alex didn’t want to risk losing Michael, especially not now. They were happy for the first time in their adult lives and if Alex  _ could  _ keep their lives and happiness, he  _ would.  _

His thoughts got interrupted as a loud bang erupted from the kitchen followed by an intense, “fuck!”

“Michael? Are you ok?” Alex asked, rising from the couch and shuffling over to the kitchen. 

“Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine. Just a broken plate.” 

Alex walked over slowly and put his arms around Michael, “what’s going on?” 

Michael stayed quiet for a moment, but Alex could feel a slight tremor running through him. 

Then as if a curtain got pulled over him, his face changed entirely, and Michael gave his patented devil-may-care smirk over a shoulder, “Oh you know how it is, I see you looking all sexy in those sweatpants and I lose all control.” 

Alex didn’t buy it at all, but he was loathe to break this domestic moment. He gave a soft smile of his own, and kissed Michael’s cheek, “since this is my fault, let me help you clean up then.” 

“Nah. It’s saturday and you’re not allowed in the kitchen today. It’s my day. Go away,” Michael said laughing and ushered Alex out of the kitchen. 

Alex just laughed again and went back into the living room, even as guilt still churned in his stomach. 

_ He couldn’t lose this.  _

-

After lunch they went to Max’s to spend the evening with all of their friends. It had become a tradition to meet up on the weekends to catch up, and sleep came easy and deep once Michael and Alex got home. So Alex couldn’t quite process why exactly he woke up in the middle of the night until he heard Michael mumbling something and rolling around in bed. 

They were used to nightmares, one of them had one every other night. 

He put his hand on Michael’s shoulder, trying to wake him up gently, without spooking him. 

“Michael. You’re safe. It’s alright. Come on. Wake up.” Alex kept whispering, even as Michael slowly awoke. 

Alex immediately put his arms around him, pulled him close and Michael clung to him. He kept whispering against Michael’s curls until he could feel him calm down. 

“You ok?” 

“Yeah, I was just...it was very confusing honestly.” They had found out early on that talking about the nightmares helped, since they were both the only two people who could understand each other’s pain. It reminded them that the dreams weren’t real, but they had survived the terrors of the past and still had each other. 

Alex waited until Michael continued, not pushing him. 

“It was about the planet I come from I think. I had to leave earth because the government found out who the aliens were...they had already captured Iz and Max and I- I couldn’t help them and I just needed to leave and I-” 

Alex pulled him closer again, kissing the top of his head while Michael’s head rested on his chest. 

“They were dead, Alex. But I  _ couldn’t  _ leave because I couldn’t finish building the console and they were after you and me, and I just wanted to get us out of here but I just  _ couldn’t _ do anything about it,” Michael finished sounding broken. 

This was new. Michael’s dreams were often about Michael’s deep seated - and eventually confirmed - fears of government conspiracy against aliens, but it was never about Michael not able to save himself because he couldn’t finish building the console. It was never about the console.  

Seeing Michael helpless and desperate like this broke Alex’s heart. He could feel the guilt in the pit of his stomach. Even if he didn’t want to lose Michael, he couldn’t keep doing this to him. 

He untangled himself from Michael and sat up to grab his crutch. 

“Alex? Where are you going?” Michael asked confused. 

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Alex kissed his temple and left the room. 

_ He couldn’t keep doing this to Michael.  _

Alex came back to Michael sitting in their bed, looking at him with wide eyes. 

“What’s going on?” Michael asked slowly. 

“I...I need to tell you something. And I know you are going to be mad, and disappointed in me and I deserve it, but I want you to listen to me fir-” 

“Alex. Hey. Stop. You’re scaring me.” Michael turned to face him properly and tried to grab his hands, but Alex reached to the backpack he had with him. 

Alex knew this would going to be one of the hardest things he had ever done. He opened the backpack, reached in and placed that piece of  alien spaceship right between them.

Michael’s eyes widened. He stared at the piece then whipped his head back up to look at Alex’s face. 

“How…?” Michael whispered. 

“I found it in the bunker. Jim Valenti left it here for me,” Alex said quietly, tears already collecting in his eyes. 

“When?” 

Alex stayed quiet and looked at his lap. He couldn’t dare meeting Michael’s eyes. 

“Alex. When did you find it?” Michael asked with a stronger and more desperate voice. 

“I...I found it right before I learned about aliens,” he admitted in a choked up voice, the words barely a whisper.

He could see the hurt in Michael’s eyes and he knew he made a mistake, he knew he should’ve told Michael about it sooner. He knew that right after he left the bunker that day and didn’t say a word afterwards.

“That was months ago,” was the only thing Michael said first. 

He continued after a few moments of silence: “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared,” Alex’s voice was quiet and rough even he could hear the tears he was holding back. He cupped Michael’s face and looked him in the eyes, seeing his own sad expression mirrored in Michael’s face. “I was scared of losing you. I couldn’t let you go after getting you back...I was selfish and unfair I know, but I-” 

“Why did you think I was going to leave you, Alex?” 

“You said you want to leave the  _ planet,  _ Michael. You want to go to the planet you come from and I can’t come with you. Of course you were going to leave me. You worked on this for so long and I know I should’ve given you this sooner I just wanted to enjoy our live for a bit before letting you go.” 

“Alex,” Michael began, grabbed one of Alex’s hand and placed a kiss on his palm, “I showed you the console to get rid of all the secrets between us and I definitely didn’t want you to find out about that later on. You wanted to talk so I told you what I was doing for the past ten years. Ten years on top of my entire childhood where I didn’t have a home to call mine. I was working on a way out because there was nothing for me worth staying. Max and Iz have each other they would’ve been fine and you...well, you pushed me away. Again and again. I figured you wouldn’t have been unfazed if I actually left the earth, but I also didn’t really think that you would care  _ that much. _ ” 

Alex opened his mouth to interrupt Michael and tell him that he was wrong, that he would’ve cared, that he  _ does  _ care. 

Michael chuckled at that. “I know that’s not the case, Alex. I know now and I knew it the second I told you about the console, but I wasn’t  _ sure  _ before that. And I knew that I needed to give you space, that I needed to wait for you to come back to me. If you had asked whether I want to finish building my ship, I would have said yes, but if you had asked whether I want to leave you, I would have said  _ no _ ,” Michael said in a soft voice.   

Tears were streaming down Alex’s face, he exhaled a breath he didn’t even know he was holding and took Michael’s hands in his own. “I just want you to be happy, Michael.”

“I  _ am  _ happy, Alex.” 

“You want to find your home and I was holding onto the only thing that separated you from that. You deserve to be happy,” Alex’s looked down at their joined hands.

Michael put a hand on Alex’s chin and lifted his face before speaking up. “I found my home and my home is definitely not a different planet.  _ You _ are my home.  _ You  _ make me happy. I don’t need to leave earth to find all of that, I already have it right here.” Michael leaned in and captured Alex’s lips with a soft kiss. 

“I love you, Alex Manes. And I’m not going anywhere.” He pulled Alex close to his chest and put a kiss on the top of his head. 

“I love you too.” Alex whispered, put his arms around Michael’s waist and nuzzled his head right in the crook of Michael’s neck. Alex felt so relieved that all the secrets were now out there and it felt like a huge weight that he was carrying with him for the past few months was lifted from his shoulders. That overwhelming nauseating feeling finally left his body and while he was inhaling Michael’s familiar scent he was thinking that maybe when talking about  “pieces that wanted to be together” Michael wasn’t only talking about pieces of alien spaceships. 

They stayed in that slightly uncomfortable position, just enjoying the closeness after that nerve wracking conversation until a thought shot through Alex’s brain and he sat up again. 

“Aren’t you mad at me for not telling you about this?” 

Michael stayed silent for awhile and Alex started to get nervous again. Just because Michael didn’t want to leave the  _ entire planet _ didn’t mean he wasn’t disappointed in Alex. 

He sat up and angled his body so he was facing Alex directly before starting to speak: “No, I’m not. A few months ago? I definitely would’ve been angry, but I’m not desperately trying to build this console anymore so I don’t care if it takes me a few months longer.  _ And  _ I understand why you didn’t tell me.  _ I  _ never told you that I didn’t want an out anymore so...” he told Alex reassuringly. 

“We’re really not good with this communication thing, huh?” Alex's voice was quiet, but he was smiling. 

Michael shook his head making his curls bounce a little which made Alex smile even more, he loved it when Michael did that. 

“Nah, not really. But we’re getting there.” 

**Author's Note:**

> [come and say hi and maybe reblog on tumblr](https://intergalacticships.tumblr.com/post/184059852590/pieces) :)


End file.
